I’m trying to be a good guy in a stressed out world.

I think (a lot) about marriage, fatherhood, character, and leadership. I write for people who strive to be good and want to contribute at home, work, and in their communities.

Coming to you with love from Detroit, Michigan.

I don’t know how to handle mistakes - please help.

TOYOHASHI, JAPAN—I’m afraid of making mistakes. I’ve realized this in the past 6 months, beyond the superficial way that everyone knows they are uncomfortable making mistakes. 

And, it’s taken me a minute to think about why I struggle. And I’ve realized that’s it’s not the mistake that’s as hard - that’s but a moment in time - it’s that I don’t know how to react to them without irrational, uncontrollable anxiety.

My whole life I don’t think anyone has ever walked me through how to handle the emotional burden of a mistake. I don’t remember a time in my life where a mistake hasn’t led to a scolding, a punishment, dissapointment or shame. I don’t remember, ever, making a mistake and my heart rate not immediately rising, my stomach not churning, and my teeth not grinding. I never learned (or thought about, frankly) how to react to a mistake.

On the bright side, I think I do know how to own up to a mistake. I know how to learn from a mistake. I do know how to correct a mistake. I’m not saying I do these well, of course.

What I don’t understand is the human, emotional part of it. I ask for your advice. How do I make mistakes, even little ones, without having irrational, uncontrollable anxiety?

 

If you enjoyed this post, you'll probably like my new book - Character By Choice: Letters on Goodness, Courage, and Becoming Better on Purpose. For more details, visit https://www.neiltambe.com/CharacterByChoice.

Different isn’t always exotic, or, “It’s just Japanese”

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