When I have waves of anxiety - usually about debt, my job, death, or other responsibilities I have - it is arresting. Most often, it creeps up when I awake from a dream in the middle of the night or when I first rise in the morning. Sometimes, it's hard to bring my heart rate down even after a few minutes of deliberate meditation.

But lately, I've started to close my eyes and think about a small group - my wife, my dog, my parents (biological and by marriage), my brothers and sisters (biological, by marriage, and from passed time), and the rest of our family...the people who love me and let me love them.

I don't know how to explain what think really, really hard and honestly about them feels like. It's like gentle sunshine permeating through all my limbs and chest, purifying of everything non-biological I am. It is my realest blessing.

I don't know what kind of ideology / opinion / worldview this is, but I want to have that protective, rehabilitating love for my whole life. And I hope we can live in a world where anyone who wants that is able to close their eyes, at the times they are scared and frustrated and defeated, and be able to think of at least one someone that brings them back from dark places.

I hope that I'm able to give that kind of love to at least a few other people, too.