In the past few months, I've been thinking about the impact of choices and the meaning of them.

This goes back to the concept of "timshel" from East of Eden...that we have the choice to conquer sin.

I've also been really struggling with understanding and thinking and feeling through the idea of entitlement - what we as humans deserve. For a long time, I didn't think that there was anything that we were entitled to, that we deserved nothing. Afterall, we have been blessed to wake up in the morning...what's more important than that? Do we really need to ask God for anything other than the gift of life?

Anyway, I've been trying to push myself on that though. And thank to Jeff and Laura and Jenny and others. I'm starting to think that there is indeed one thing that we all deserve.

To be loved.

(Why we deserve to be loved is the topic of another post.)

But, getting back to choices by combining these two ideas.

One of the most important choices we have, in conquering sin especially, I think, is the choice we make to love others. To love animals, to love the earth, to love God, to love beauty...all of these things. But the choice we make to love others is especially hard, I think.

We have so many reasons not to love others - whether it's a colleague, a family member, a stranger...even a girl that has rejected or wronged you. It's so easy to think that we don't have love to give to people who do not love us. To people who can't, even.

But, I think we must. Loving others, despite their flaws or wrongdoings (to us or others) is conquering sin. It's something filled with grace. It's beautiful. It's impossibly hard.

And, it's painful sometimes. But how and who we love and the love we show to other people is soemthing we shouldn't discriminate - it must be permamment. It must be full and genuine.

I'm having a hard time writing about this - partly because of fatigue and partly because it's hard. But I guess I can put it this way.

I know in my heart of hearts that what's right is to love others, no matter what. Because, it's the one that everyone deserves. Not being loved is a terrible way to suffer and I can't participate in that. We should try to be loving. Everyone deserves to be loved. Nobody deserves to suffer.

-nt